Its over Sir, its over
No more words,request, hopes or questions
No more cries or expectations
not more resentment either
It feels as if it lie there
flat, empty, deprived of life
not even heavy!
And as a little paper boat
it floats wonderingly thorough this stream of thoughts
until its core essence will inevitably
dissolve as it sinks into that memories
with which we form our past
Its on me, Sir, its on me
I built it and now Im abandoning it
to save my dear life, Sir, to save my dear life!
No boat can safely reach any harbor
even if it had a compass-
if the helmsman is driven by unconsciousness and selfishness
It never weighted anchor
It never stroke sail
Easy for any lame storm
to come and wretch it in an almost playful manner!
Today I watch it as it slowly drifts into the nothing
I salute its passing and I walk away
billescas
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Thursday, July 07, 2011
THE IRISH (Kevin's English version)
Since long I have walked towards this moment
and having reached it, I don't feel anything for its having ended
since- before me-, a vast green valley spreads
that can still mean everything
It will depend on me
whether I want to run into it and play there
or simply contemplate it
Now , in the mist of the placid afternoon
of this summer that is coming to its end
I feel myself and I barely feel anything
Not more the effervescent sprout of my youth
when to live seemed to be the only meaningful thing to do
Not more the tenacious seek of an ideal
that must be reached before long
-for life does not offer many chances
and knowing I have passed too many, still feel the need to grab it-
Not either the subtle search for perfume, essence, dew or the simple things
that make life bearable
In the horizon the sun starts to set and I watch it, with no thoughts
I feel the heat that doesn't burn my skin anymore
I watch its rays intensively without going blind no more
The night will fall soon...
and I wait for it with no more questions
b illescas
and having reached it, I don't feel anything for its having ended
since- before me-, a vast green valley spreads
that can still mean everything
It will depend on me
whether I want to run into it and play there
or simply contemplate it
Now , in the mist of the placid afternoon
of this summer that is coming to its end
I feel myself and I barely feel anything
Not more the effervescent sprout of my youth
when to live seemed to be the only meaningful thing to do
Not more the tenacious seek of an ideal
that must be reached before long
-for life does not offer many chances
and knowing I have passed too many, still feel the need to grab it-
Not either the subtle search for perfume, essence, dew or the simple things
that make life bearable
In the horizon the sun starts to set and I watch it, with no thoughts
I feel the heat that doesn't burn my skin anymore
I watch its rays intensively without going blind no more
The night will fall soon...
and I wait for it with no more questions
b illescas
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
El Experimento Macabro
Marieta iba en franca carrera hacia la llamada Mediana Edad, o Los Años Maduros, O la Crisis Existencial, o el Principio del Otoño o como se le quiera llamar. Nada parecía que pudiera detenerle. Y la verdad, se la pasaba bastante bien. En su vida habían muchas pequeñas y constantes alegrías que la llenaban casi que plenamente.
Pero le molestaba -sin poder ignorarlo- alguna que otra falta de lisura en la piel, alguna que otra arruguita no tan simpática, alguna que otro rollito debajo de la cintura y habían días en que honestamente se sentía pura bruja: vieja y pavorosa.
Pues han de estar y estarán que un ida fue invitada a una ceremonia con el correspondiente baile de gala posterior, el cual, no habia forma alguna de poder evitar. Así que, filosóficamente, se engalanó y emperifolló haciendo todas aquellas cosas que hacen sentir que puede ser hermosa a una mujer. Peinado diferente, manicure y pedicure, vestido refinado, zapatos coquetos, etc y ya con ello completado, salió a conquistar a la partida de ancianitos que seguramente acudirían a la elegante y estirada fiesta.
Naturalmente, se dio una aburrida de ostra, de avestruz, de ballena, de hipopótamo en zoológico; pero eso sí, iba como una reina
Pues resulta que dentro del montón de fotos que tomaron esa noche-( algunas de las cuales Marietta le hubiera gustado poder eliminar de la esfera terráquea ya que en muchas de ellas logro -saber ni cómo !- tener un gran parecido con el Sr Grinch-) salió una de esas fotos que realmente nos hacen el día.
Marietta observaba y observaba la fotografía y se maravillaba del momento en que su expresión había denotado la serenidad que siempre había buscado; la independencia que siempre había perseguido y la seguridad que bien se merecía sentir. La verdad es que efectivamente era una buena foto y si salía guapetona pero sobre todo, se sentía muy feliz con lo que la foto retrataba.
Vanidosa a morir decidió mandársela a sus enamorados: los de antaño, los de siempre, los de nunca, los de hoy. En su soledad era importante sentir que no la olvidaban y que comprobaran que aun que lejos seguía bien vivita y coleando.
Inmediatamente empezó a recibir respuestas. Cada una de ellas pintaba en su alma una cierta sorna difícil de ignorar…
Pero de dónde creerán algunos hombres que frases tan masticadas como tabaco de basebolista puedan aun crear algún impacto en un corazón que esta "podrido de latir" como diría Sabina?
Desde exclamaciones relacionadas a la carpeta roja, Cannes, etc hasta proposiciones obvias y ridículas o indecentes
Desde juramentos de amor idealizado y platónico hasta promesas de amor y pasión eterna.
Desde ofrecimientos de viajes y compra de propiedades hasta un lacónico: buena foto! El único que no respondió ni se dio por enterado fue el único que en los últimos tiempos, de veras le había hecho palpitar su corazón de emoción
Que divertidos y cuán poco polifacéticos pueden ser los hombres!
Unicamente uno de todos ellos hizo un comentario con carino y admiracion genuina dejando aun lado la sensualidad o el ofreciemnto de promesas vacias. Y fue al unico que verdaderamente agradeció su carino
Jesús, si era solo una foto! Un instante de un buen momento, una conjugación de luz y pose, nada más. Por qué será que todo aquello que no se puede tener genera la ilusion de querer tenerlo sin saber si vale o no la pena?
Las amigas en cambio, menos impresionadas con los atributos físicos como buenas conocedoras de los mismos, alabaron nada mas y nada menos que el vestido!, el cual nada tenía que ver con Marietta – o mencionaron el escote y lo que el mismo revelaba, lo cual tampoco tenia nada que ver con Marietta sino mas bien con Evelino Persistiu, medico con quien estabria agradecida por el resto de sus días
Y de ellas, solo dos reconocieron en su semblante lo que Marietta valoraba tanto.
Esa misma noche, la noche de las respuestas, decidió crear El Experimento Macabro.
Su hipótesis era que todo es vacio, superfluo y hasta falso y su tesis sería demostrar lo que las múltiples fotos con semejanza a Mr Grinch producirían: UN DESENCANTO TOTAL... y por supuesto ni un solo comentario ...y segurísimo, tampoco ningún ofrecimiento!
La verdad es que no paso de castaño a oscuro, todo quedó enredado entre sus pensamientos del día y en hipótesis y tesis, ya que no se atrevio a hacerlo. Seria tremendamente descorazonador demostrarse que --efectivamente- tenia toda la razon. Y al final, qué objeto tendría?
Con filosofia y aceptacion, saboreo los alabos, los sopeso antes de quedarse profundamente dormida y desecho las reacciones de aquellos del pasado, del presente y del nunca, como se desecha un pañuelo tras un catarro infeliz- sin ninguna contemplacion y sin ninguna expectativa
B Illescas
Pero le molestaba -sin poder ignorarlo- alguna que otra falta de lisura en la piel, alguna que otra arruguita no tan simpática, alguna que otro rollito debajo de la cintura y habían días en que honestamente se sentía pura bruja: vieja y pavorosa.
Pues han de estar y estarán que un ida fue invitada a una ceremonia con el correspondiente baile de gala posterior, el cual, no habia forma alguna de poder evitar. Así que, filosóficamente, se engalanó y emperifolló haciendo todas aquellas cosas que hacen sentir que puede ser hermosa a una mujer. Peinado diferente, manicure y pedicure, vestido refinado, zapatos coquetos, etc y ya con ello completado, salió a conquistar a la partida de ancianitos que seguramente acudirían a la elegante y estirada fiesta.
Naturalmente, se dio una aburrida de ostra, de avestruz, de ballena, de hipopótamo en zoológico; pero eso sí, iba como una reina
Pues resulta que dentro del montón de fotos que tomaron esa noche-( algunas de las cuales Marietta le hubiera gustado poder eliminar de la esfera terráquea ya que en muchas de ellas logro -saber ni cómo !- tener un gran parecido con el Sr Grinch-) salió una de esas fotos que realmente nos hacen el día.
Marietta observaba y observaba la fotografía y se maravillaba del momento en que su expresión había denotado la serenidad que siempre había buscado; la independencia que siempre había perseguido y la seguridad que bien se merecía sentir. La verdad es que efectivamente era una buena foto y si salía guapetona pero sobre todo, se sentía muy feliz con lo que la foto retrataba.
Vanidosa a morir decidió mandársela a sus enamorados: los de antaño, los de siempre, los de nunca, los de hoy. En su soledad era importante sentir que no la olvidaban y que comprobaran que aun que lejos seguía bien vivita y coleando.
Inmediatamente empezó a recibir respuestas. Cada una de ellas pintaba en su alma una cierta sorna difícil de ignorar…
Pero de dónde creerán algunos hombres que frases tan masticadas como tabaco de basebolista puedan aun crear algún impacto en un corazón que esta "podrido de latir" como diría Sabina?
Desde exclamaciones relacionadas a la carpeta roja, Cannes, etc hasta proposiciones obvias y ridículas o indecentes
Desde juramentos de amor idealizado y platónico hasta promesas de amor y pasión eterna.
Desde ofrecimientos de viajes y compra de propiedades hasta un lacónico: buena foto! El único que no respondió ni se dio por enterado fue el único que en los últimos tiempos, de veras le había hecho palpitar su corazón de emoción
Que divertidos y cuán poco polifacéticos pueden ser los hombres!
Unicamente uno de todos ellos hizo un comentario con carino y admiracion genuina dejando aun lado la sensualidad o el ofreciemnto de promesas vacias. Y fue al unico que verdaderamente agradeció su carino
Jesús, si era solo una foto! Un instante de un buen momento, una conjugación de luz y pose, nada más. Por qué será que todo aquello que no se puede tener genera la ilusion de querer tenerlo sin saber si vale o no la pena?
Las amigas en cambio, menos impresionadas con los atributos físicos como buenas conocedoras de los mismos, alabaron nada mas y nada menos que el vestido!, el cual nada tenía que ver con Marietta – o mencionaron el escote y lo que el mismo revelaba, lo cual tampoco tenia nada que ver con Marietta sino mas bien con Evelino Persistiu, medico con quien estabria agradecida por el resto de sus días
Y de ellas, solo dos reconocieron en su semblante lo que Marietta valoraba tanto.
Esa misma noche, la noche de las respuestas, decidió crear El Experimento Macabro.
Su hipótesis era que todo es vacio, superfluo y hasta falso y su tesis sería demostrar lo que las múltiples fotos con semejanza a Mr Grinch producirían: UN DESENCANTO TOTAL... y por supuesto ni un solo comentario ...y segurísimo, tampoco ningún ofrecimiento!
La verdad es que no paso de castaño a oscuro, todo quedó enredado entre sus pensamientos del día y en hipótesis y tesis, ya que no se atrevio a hacerlo. Seria tremendamente descorazonador demostrarse que --efectivamente- tenia toda la razon. Y al final, qué objeto tendría?
Con filosofia y aceptacion, saboreo los alabos, los sopeso antes de quedarse profundamente dormida y desecho las reacciones de aquellos del pasado, del presente y del nunca, como se desecha un pañuelo tras un catarro infeliz- sin ninguna contemplacion y sin ninguna expectativa
B Illescas
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Friday, May 06, 2011
How are you mine?
How?
Should I feel you or think about you as a friend that is far away from me
thinking and remembering me when nostalgia is impossible to bear?
Should I remember you as one of those things that had to be left far away
for there was no more space in my luggage or even worse in my dreams?
Should I take you as one of my most terrible defeats
A " could have been and almost was" but which is not anymore?
Or should I think about you as a misplaced something so dear and valuable
that its ought to be seek until found again?
How , how mine?!
Like an invisible force laying down by my side each night unable to take me?
Like an intangible lover that take cares of an Us that it seem to exist in our memories only?
Or like someone who is so devoted to hate that has forgotten to hope?
Oh Love tell me, show me how you are so mine
for in spite of my efforts to hold you so close
it feels as you are fading away from this life!
B Illescas
How?
Should I feel you or think about you as a friend that is far away from me
thinking and remembering me when nostalgia is impossible to bear?
Should I remember you as one of those things that had to be left far away
for there was no more space in my luggage or even worse in my dreams?
Should I take you as one of my most terrible defeats
A " could have been and almost was" but which is not anymore?
Or should I think about you as a misplaced something so dear and valuable
that its ought to be seek until found again?
How , how mine?!
Like an invisible force laying down by my side each night unable to take me?
Like an intangible lover that take cares of an Us that it seem to exist in our memories only?
Or like someone who is so devoted to hate that has forgotten to hope?
Oh Love tell me, show me how you are so mine
for in spite of my efforts to hold you so close
it feels as you are fading away from this life!
B Illescas
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Frida y El profesor
Para Ceci mi amiga de tanto tiempo atras y Bolivar quien por un tiempo pinto alegria en sus ojitos
Frida Consuelo Matamoros Del Recinto era y siempre fue y medio sigue siendo -digo medio porque la vida la ha ido domando al menos un poco- una malcriada. Consentida, bullangera, lidereza, atrevida, llena de vida y pasion pero buena, en todo el sentido dela palabra, vivio desde nina con pasion y rebeldia mientras que trataba de hacer el bien que era lo que su corazon siempre tierno le dictaba
Perseverante por no decir necia, empleo unos buenos dos anos de su vida infantil en intentar aprender a volar , probando cuanto metodo se le ocurrio probar sin resultado alguno hasta que un dia abandono de sopeton para dedicarse con la msima empecinidad a hacer preguntas. Hoy todavía no ha abandonado.
Ese ano, el ano del cual me ocupo ahora, era el ano de graduacion, nada podia ir mejor, tenia al novio mas guapo, sus papas, papas devotos y pudientes, sus hermanas todas mayores, magnificas hermanas dedicadas a complacerla y encima de todo admiradores y amigos por doquier.
Ese primer dia de clases iba algo estirada y muy ufana de si por el uniforme nuevo de magisterio que con las companeras de clase habian disenado. Que tremendamente egoistas! un grupito de 5 escogio hechura, color y tela y las otras debieron de conformarse; pero les quedo bien. Ahora eso las identificaba como las "mayores"del colegio Y nada habria que las detuviera.
Y sin embargo los azares del destino la detuvieron de golpe torciendo por primera vez su destino trazado, ese dia que caminando cruzo una clase y tuvo que detenerse de subito.
-Que diablos significaba un hombre en aquel colegio de monjas? y no solo un hombre nuevo aparte de los viejos profesores de quimica y fisica sino alguien joven y guapo y que encima! se parecia a Jesusito!! -
Ojos grandes trmendamente verdes, dulces y suaves..barba y bigotes castanos al igual que sus cabellos largos, bajo de estatura y con un defecto visible. -Alguien a quien intentar salvar!!!!!-
Tenia que ser una equivocacion!-
No recuerda como lo averiguo pero lo averiguo en seguida. No era una equivocación, era el nuevo profesor de filosofia
Por primera vez las ensenas de su madre sobre los griegos le parecieron validas e interesantes!
En la primera clase Frida se sento en forma insolente y desafiante a verlo descaradamente, retandole a que bajara la mirada o se sintiera cohibido. Claro!, ella era solo una nina pero ese era su territorio. La cosa no funciono y el pudo mas que ella. Y eso no podia ser
Asi que reunio a su grupito de amigas y les propuso una apuesta. Cada una debia de ver que hacia para lograr que el profesor se enamorara de una de ellas.
Que tremenda ingenuidad la de esos corazones! Si los hombres si se enamoran, apenas se dan cuenta siempre ocupados en cuestiones mas fisicas.
En fin urdio toda clases de ardides que viendoles ahora, me parecen de lo mas inocentes e infantiles; sin embargo, ya sea por la promesa de lo que era ya ella o por que se yo! ella y solo ella fue quien lo logro
Quizas a las otras no les interesera ser temerarias, o las diferencias sociales importaban demasiado o no lo veían como ella lo miraba; la cosa es que la apuesta la gano ella
El tuve que renunciar a los 5 meses de haber iniciado el trabajo, la verguenza de haber violado las reglas del colegio de monjas siempre lo persiguió. Ella termino con el noviecito popular y se salvo de un matrimonio destinado al fracaso.
Pero tampoco paro con el profesor de filosofia
Su padre, alarmado por sus locuras y temiendo un desenlace incorrecto para su benjamina, contrato un detective y pronto le revelo que no solo era mariguano sino que trabajaba con la insurgencia
Para ese entonces el ya se habia acercado a ella y no previendo la realidad de la edad de Frida, ni su ignorancia mundana ni su ceguera ante la realidad de su pueblo, ni tampoco su frivolidad natural para esa época y para la cuna donde había nacido; la habia ya ahuyentado para el resto de los tiempos al proponerle de una sola,matrimonio , insurgencia y rancho humilde
Con ello murió la ilusión de Frida. Su rebeldia y su deseo de aprender sobre los griegos
Se caso a los 6 meses con el Ingeniero Maltercio quien tenia un BMW y muy poco pelo. Nunca se arrepintió de no haber seguido al filosofo; aunque si un poco de haber creído amarlo siendo tan joven.
Fue muy infeliz con el ingeniero. Le dio su juventud y su dedicación por 25 anos pero nunca nunca fue realmente de el. El hizo lo que pudo y la amo con todas su fuerzas pero el dano que le causara en los inicios fue desde siempre irreparable. Lo abandono cuando ya la conciencia no la atormento mas y ya vieja y no tan temeraria salio a buscar la vida y nuevas formas para intentar volar
Frida Consuelo Matamoros Del Recinto era y siempre fue y medio sigue siendo -digo medio porque la vida la ha ido domando al menos un poco- una malcriada. Consentida, bullangera, lidereza, atrevida, llena de vida y pasion pero buena, en todo el sentido dela palabra, vivio desde nina con pasion y rebeldia mientras que trataba de hacer el bien que era lo que su corazon siempre tierno le dictaba
Perseverante por no decir necia, empleo unos buenos dos anos de su vida infantil en intentar aprender a volar , probando cuanto metodo se le ocurrio probar sin resultado alguno hasta que un dia abandono de sopeton para dedicarse con la msima empecinidad a hacer preguntas. Hoy todavía no ha abandonado.
Ese ano, el ano del cual me ocupo ahora, era el ano de graduacion, nada podia ir mejor, tenia al novio mas guapo, sus papas, papas devotos y pudientes, sus hermanas todas mayores, magnificas hermanas dedicadas a complacerla y encima de todo admiradores y amigos por doquier.
Ese primer dia de clases iba algo estirada y muy ufana de si por el uniforme nuevo de magisterio que con las companeras de clase habian disenado. Que tremendamente egoistas! un grupito de 5 escogio hechura, color y tela y las otras debieron de conformarse; pero les quedo bien. Ahora eso las identificaba como las "mayores"del colegio Y nada habria que las detuviera.
Y sin embargo los azares del destino la detuvieron de golpe torciendo por primera vez su destino trazado, ese dia que caminando cruzo una clase y tuvo que detenerse de subito.
-Que diablos significaba un hombre en aquel colegio de monjas? y no solo un hombre nuevo aparte de los viejos profesores de quimica y fisica sino alguien joven y guapo y que encima! se parecia a Jesusito!! -
Ojos grandes trmendamente verdes, dulces y suaves..barba y bigotes castanos al igual que sus cabellos largos, bajo de estatura y con un defecto visible. -Alguien a quien intentar salvar!!!!!-
Tenia que ser una equivocacion!-
No recuerda como lo averiguo pero lo averiguo en seguida. No era una equivocación, era el nuevo profesor de filosofia
Por primera vez las ensenas de su madre sobre los griegos le parecieron validas e interesantes!
En la primera clase Frida se sento en forma insolente y desafiante a verlo descaradamente, retandole a que bajara la mirada o se sintiera cohibido. Claro!, ella era solo una nina pero ese era su territorio. La cosa no funciono y el pudo mas que ella. Y eso no podia ser
Asi que reunio a su grupito de amigas y les propuso una apuesta. Cada una debia de ver que hacia para lograr que el profesor se enamorara de una de ellas.
Que tremenda ingenuidad la de esos corazones! Si los hombres si se enamoran, apenas se dan cuenta siempre ocupados en cuestiones mas fisicas.
En fin urdio toda clases de ardides que viendoles ahora, me parecen de lo mas inocentes e infantiles; sin embargo, ya sea por la promesa de lo que era ya ella o por que se yo! ella y solo ella fue quien lo logro
Quizas a las otras no les interesera ser temerarias, o las diferencias sociales importaban demasiado o no lo veían como ella lo miraba; la cosa es que la apuesta la gano ella
El tuve que renunciar a los 5 meses de haber iniciado el trabajo, la verguenza de haber violado las reglas del colegio de monjas siempre lo persiguió. Ella termino con el noviecito popular y se salvo de un matrimonio destinado al fracaso.
Pero tampoco paro con el profesor de filosofia
Su padre, alarmado por sus locuras y temiendo un desenlace incorrecto para su benjamina, contrato un detective y pronto le revelo que no solo era mariguano sino que trabajaba con la insurgencia
Para ese entonces el ya se habia acercado a ella y no previendo la realidad de la edad de Frida, ni su ignorancia mundana ni su ceguera ante la realidad de su pueblo, ni tampoco su frivolidad natural para esa época y para la cuna donde había nacido; la habia ya ahuyentado para el resto de los tiempos al proponerle de una sola,matrimonio , insurgencia y rancho humilde
Con ello murió la ilusión de Frida. Su rebeldia y su deseo de aprender sobre los griegos
Se caso a los 6 meses con el Ingeniero Maltercio quien tenia un BMW y muy poco pelo. Nunca se arrepintió de no haber seguido al filosofo; aunque si un poco de haber creído amarlo siendo tan joven.
Fue muy infeliz con el ingeniero. Le dio su juventud y su dedicación por 25 anos pero nunca nunca fue realmente de el. El hizo lo que pudo y la amo con todas su fuerzas pero el dano que le causara en los inicios fue desde siempre irreparable. Lo abandono cuando ya la conciencia no la atormento mas y ya vieja y no tan temeraria salio a buscar la vida y nuevas formas para intentar volar
Friday, April 01, 2011
Time of Death 3:45 am
As anything everywhere, it was born full of life, ready to conquer the world, full of surprises and joy. But it was vulnerable and needed light and needed nourishment and more over, a reason to live
It lasted less than what I suspected it will last. Never had any reason to survive; or an incentive, or a promise that things will get better. Having all the chances to bring sunshine,it brought, on the contrary, shades that were too dim, too heavy to color this life. It died of thirst and of hunger; and as I told you once, it needed you. The little you could give but couldn't give I could forgive the selfishness but never this.
So yesterday nigh I called it. Time of Death 3:45 a.m
"As God is my Witness"
It lasted less than what I suspected it will last. Never had any reason to survive; or an incentive, or a promise that things will get better. Having all the chances to bring sunshine,it brought, on the contrary, shades that were too dim, too heavy to color this life. It died of thirst and of hunger; and as I told you once, it needed you. The little you could give but couldn't give I could forgive the selfishness but never this.
So yesterday nigh I called it. Time of Death 3:45 a.m
"As God is my Witness"
Saturday, March 19, 2011
You are leaving today
and couldn't say farewell
there was no time to say Ill miss you, there was no space to say I care
In a few hours you will be breathing my air,
smelling my trees, watching my people,
seeing those tiny flowers spread on the streets
while the haze of the morning turns into spring
You said you love that land,
you said you wanted to go with me
to maybe see how summer turns into autumn
before your autumn turns into that coldness
we wont be able to avoid
But
Once you made a call that later did not respond,
you opened a door that led to an empty room,
sang a song that have no words or tune
danced a dance with no movement or steps
So I dont want you walking in my path, whether is there or here,
I don't want you talking to us whether is them or me
for you cannot end what you have begun
I dont want you looking at me with those eyes filled with wanting
for something you would never dare to get
I understand now that you needed us
so for a brief moment you could feel you have that
you have chosen not to reach,
I see now that you needed us
to dream the dreams you need to dream to keep on,
I can sense your long for us
so you could trust yourself that you can dare to live.
I see myself smiling and fulfilling emptiness that you alone could never filled before
Yet you are doing what you must do. I understand that, I respect that, I obey that
You are who you are and you'll remain that way.
But next time don't make the call,
don't smile that sweet, don't open doors, don't stir my hopes
If theres no time in you besides the time you spent in dreaming dreams.
Keep on alone, do say farewell, and leave this path
and couldn't say farewell
there was no time to say Ill miss you, there was no space to say I care
In a few hours you will be breathing my air,
smelling my trees, watching my people,
seeing those tiny flowers spread on the streets
while the haze of the morning turns into spring
You said you love that land,
you said you wanted to go with me
to maybe see how summer turns into autumn
before your autumn turns into that coldness
we wont be able to avoid
But
Once you made a call that later did not respond,
you opened a door that led to an empty room,
sang a song that have no words or tune
danced a dance with no movement or steps
So I dont want you walking in my path, whether is there or here,
I don't want you talking to us whether is them or me
for you cannot end what you have begun
I dont want you looking at me with those eyes filled with wanting
for something you would never dare to get
I understand now that you needed us
so for a brief moment you could feel you have that
you have chosen not to reach,
I see now that you needed us
to dream the dreams you need to dream to keep on,
I can sense your long for us
so you could trust yourself that you can dare to live.
I see myself smiling and fulfilling emptiness that you alone could never filled before
Yet you are doing what you must do. I understand that, I respect that, I obey that
You are who you are and you'll remain that way.
But next time don't make the call,
don't smile that sweet, don't open doors, don't stir my hopes
If theres no time in you besides the time you spent in dreaming dreams.
Keep on alone, do say farewell, and leave this path
Friday, March 18, 2011
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
plateau.
my backbone was the strongest part of me.
ill say this proudly.
i have a trembling fear of losing balance in my life. i am an individual that, if i do not keep a leveled head, i go into a state of nirvana with life and my priorities and well-being become disordered and lost. i’ve had to teach that to myself at an early age.
friends, love. things of the like. things with pretty eyes that divert you from your destination, pursuit of your happiness.
this is why i dont believe in most people. this is why i like to avoid everything most people have to offer. this is why i bypass most things that i sense are wasteful. caring about someone and something requires energy that can be useful for more things down the road.
and once i begin to give in, i hand over my head. heart. backbone. now their life consumes mine. now there comes another voice in my head in addition to mine that i must have to put into consideration. them. him. her. suddenly the concept of “I” and “Me” becomes foriegn. Instead of it being your comfort and your sense of guidance, it becomes a terrifying loneliness.
you get it?
give smiles back. reply to her text messages. get coffee with him. laugh. buy things. eat things. do things with other human beings so that you wont go crazy. but don’t, don’t ever hand over your backbone. dont be consumed with someone that you become second, even in your own life. There is the concept of “I” that life will make you work to appreciate.
Isabel Cadena
my backbone was the strongest part of me.
ill say this proudly.
i have a trembling fear of losing balance in my life. i am an individual that, if i do not keep a leveled head, i go into a state of nirvana with life and my priorities and well-being become disordered and lost. i’ve had to teach that to myself at an early age.
friends, love. things of the like. things with pretty eyes that divert you from your destination, pursuit of your happiness.
this is why i dont believe in most people. this is why i like to avoid everything most people have to offer. this is why i bypass most things that i sense are wasteful. caring about someone and something requires energy that can be useful for more things down the road.
and once i begin to give in, i hand over my head. heart. backbone. now their life consumes mine. now there comes another voice in my head in addition to mine that i must have to put into consideration. them. him. her. suddenly the concept of “I” and “Me” becomes foriegn. Instead of it being your comfort and your sense of guidance, it becomes a terrifying loneliness.
you get it?
give smiles back. reply to her text messages. get coffee with him. laugh. buy things. eat things. do things with other human beings so that you wont go crazy. but don’t, don’t ever hand over your backbone. dont be consumed with someone that you become second, even in your own life. There is the concept of “I” that life will make you work to appreciate.
Isabel Cadena
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
IF WE ALL KNOW THAT RIGHTS MEAN RESPONSABILITIES, DOES IT MEAN IT’S THE OTHER WAY AROUND TOO?
I didn’t want to begin by stating a thesis everyone expects to hear again, I think it is a waste of time because everybody knows it, but then again it has to be repeated time after time until it finally finds someone who will stop and listen.
Immigrants do, in fact, contribute to the economy of this country. They contribute by paying taxes (in the form of sales tax to income). They contribute by trying to learn as fast as possible in any way that might help them to assimilate and become part of a working society so they can work shoulder to shoulder with their neighbor and they contribute by helping in the development of businesses and agriculture which can be translated into profits for American business. Immigrants give to the state they are living in and of course, being human beings, yes they receive benefits that most of the time, as human beings they simply need and deserve.
I am well aware of the responsibilities each country has, and I am not saying undocumented immigrants in America should have the rights that any American citizen -for being an American citizen -should have, yet - as such human beings –they should still be given at least the recognition that they have rights, some rights and one of them is to be considered with some due respect and as a contributor who is meaningful to the growth of this nation. In the case of this great city of Atlanta, was it not the American citizens and developers who invited the Latino immigrants in mass to work in Atlanta to meet the deadlines for development for the 1996 Olympics?
Recently I had the chance to share with the Jewish community the inauguration of the Atlanta Jewish Film Festival. I, while watching the film, “Jews and Baseball-An American Love Story”, was able to hear within the script of the documentary many phrases that, unfortunately, I still hear today with my people. The same happened to me when I-on a Saturday evening- was watching Amistad.
Since young I have admired and defended the idea of the American Dream and the people who came to this country searching for a better everything. Most of them found it, and while finding it they were able to build a nation that is still a pride to each of its citizens. I never thought that I will be living here or that I will witness so much pain and sometimes so many injustices as I see each day in my position.
Regarding immigration, I see the point of some of the detractors of undocumented immigrants or at least, trying to be fair and wise, I try to understand it. But seeing what we see each day, I cannot stop from raising my voice trying to reach the soul of the common American man, who doesn't have any political agenda and wants to hear all the facts so that he can issue an opinion that is coming from himself; an opinion that will reflect what an American citizen is. And if, in order to knock the latch I have to reach too high or bend low, I will indeed knock it if that means somebody will open the door.
How come the simple and basic rights of immigrant parents are being dismissed due to their ignorance, their poverty, or their being different? Why in a country where the value of family is still the sacred core of its foundation?
Each day there are hospitals that deny a person who is dying of kidney failure, for example, the chance to avoid a horrible death and now, they are talking about denying education to children as it was denied long ago to those that too were different.
On the other hand, each day I receive calls from many American institutions and individuals who are trying to find a way to be able to extend their hands and help people in need.
I choose to believe that the latter is the voice of this country, because that is how this country is recognized and has been remembered for. Justice, Fairness, Humanity
We are not all responsible for the social problems that derive from illegal immigration and, indeed, the responsibilities of any progressive country are to provide education, health while it should strive to provide a healthy economic environment and conditions for its nationals. However, at the same time, the countries that have to deal with illegal immigration must not refuse to address it, rather solve it in a comprehensive and humane manner.
So, although I know it has been said before I raise here my voice and
humbly remind you that “To remove all the illegal immigrants from the state can mean that Georgia would lose $21.3 billion in economic activity, which would cost the state an additional 132,460 jobs, according to study done for Americans for Immigration Reform, a Houston-based, business-sponsored group that supports changes to current immigration law."
This stated, wouldn't we all agree that having complaining with duties such as paying taxes could mean the right to be considered a person who evidently is willing to contribute to the progress of this country?
Maybe the path this nation seems to be taking might be changed, but, are we sure that is what we want, and economically speaking, would we be able to face it?
-Beatriz Illescas Putzeys
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Oda a la Musica
Para aquel que cree amarme,
que suena con tenerme,
que piensa que todo se puede
y a quien le falta tanto por vivir y entender!
que suena con tenerme,
que piensa que todo se puede
y a quien le falta tanto por vivir y entender!
Siempre estas cerca y como a los arboles me meces
y me llevas a lugares donde pueda descansar
Siempre siempre estas cerca
suave y conmovedora , fiel y tranquila
lista para transportarme a un lugar seguro,
donde pueda sonar sin que me diga nadie que no puedo
sin que me diga nadie que es muy tarde!
Y cuando el viento arrecia no abandonas,
ni cuando el sol se esconde,
ni cuando el frio duele...
Y como la primavera me invades suavecito
y como el verano me llevas a sentirme segura
y como el otono rojizo pareces poesia
y como el invierno oscuro, envuelves y prometes
que no todo es eterno
Tu canto suave o fuerte me toma y me dobla y me hace sentirme viva
me hace querer la vida, me obliga a quererme viva
y tu melodia me llena de espernza y me cuenta que un dia
sere eterea y eterna, sere suave y digna
y en secreto susrra en mi oido que como tu me quedare alli musitada
en la sonrisa esbozada de aquellos a quien amo
B Illescas
To Lawrence, the constant presence (Extract from The Simple True)
I cannot live like this but I don't have any other option than to keep on hoping to get a little something from you. A call, a letter, an encounter here in this world that now seems too big for us.
I askwhy this happened and why it happened this way, and I try to grab the good of it: my being alive, my feelings, my hopes, my joy and sadness; your existence somewhere, your thinking about me, your wanting me, your wanting to be good for me.
But still I need you, still I need your eyes watching me, devouring me with questions you don't ask, still I need the hope of seeing you, still I need to have your caring and the promises you never ever though
And now that I don't have that, today I simply feel I cannot live
We are like those who need love as they need the air they breath, yet although it might be denied to us, as we would have liked it, it still is a vague phantom that walks nearby,- impossible to grab, impossible to dream of, impossible to hope that one night it will hold you-.
I wonder if I'm choosing this as it is now instead of what I could have, but I cannot lie to my heart, and I cannot act as if we both- my heart and me-were two different things and can walk two different paths. I need to feel I love you even if I cannot. it seems I love you even if I should not. I need to feel it, and accept it, and embrace it even if I cannot have you. I need to understand that that is me, and that as long as I need you I should not fight you, or try to forget you or try to replace you. There is no one else but you
But also, I understand that if I want to live, I need to learn to let it go as it was once in my heart, because you will never be mine and I will never be yours as I once dreamed I would be
Yet, knowing me, I rather be half alive with the though of you than half dead without you as I surely would be if I didn't have the hope of finding you again and be in your arms once more
Jo Sanders
I askwhy this happened and why it happened this way, and I try to grab the good of it: my being alive, my feelings, my hopes, my joy and sadness; your existence somewhere, your thinking about me, your wanting me, your wanting to be good for me.
But still I need you, still I need your eyes watching me, devouring me with questions you don't ask, still I need the hope of seeing you, still I need to have your caring and the promises you never ever though
And now that I don't have that, today I simply feel I cannot live
We are like those who need love as they need the air they breath, yet although it might be denied to us, as we would have liked it, it still is a vague phantom that walks nearby,- impossible to grab, impossible to dream of, impossible to hope that one night it will hold you-.
I wonder if I'm choosing this as it is now instead of what I could have, but I cannot lie to my heart, and I cannot act as if we both- my heart and me-were two different things and can walk two different paths. I need to feel I love you even if I cannot. it seems I love you even if I should not. I need to feel it, and accept it, and embrace it even if I cannot have you. I need to understand that that is me, and that as long as I need you I should not fight you, or try to forget you or try to replace you. There is no one else but you
But also, I understand that if I want to live, I need to learn to let it go as it was once in my heart, because you will never be mine and I will never be yours as I once dreamed I would be
Yet, knowing me, I rather be half alive with the though of you than half dead without you as I surely would be if I didn't have the hope of finding you again and be in your arms once more
Jo Sanders
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
No More Poetry (extract from "The Simple True")
When I think about you I think about your eyes and the way they look when you look at me
When I think about you I think about the corner of your lips and how they curved and play with me while Im trying to kiss you
When I think about you I indulge myself and let my mind get lost in the scope of possibilities that your touch unfolds for me
I think about your hands running softly thorough my valleys discovering rivers and mountain and gaps and cliffs
I think about the tone of your voice and how your words sometimes are turned into a symphony of colors in my heart
I think about the words you have said and how they scape from my memory like butterflies chased by the light
I think and think about the dreams I do not dare to speak of or even recognized as true to me
I think about you sleeping and I feeling your warmness close to me
and then I think about reality and about your world and about the things you don't say and the things I dont ask
and then the wondering and the questioning that take my innocence away begin to stalk my peace again
and I get sad, and I know thats the price I chose to pay
But then fast enough I think about the taste of your mouth and about the things that daringly I have said and did while you were watching
and I smile and rejoice for being alive and for your presence in my life
Then I get serious and think about the way you contained yourself when thinking twice what you are about to say.
and I understand you are doing your best and Im thankful for having you as my friend too
When I think of you I slowly think about your body next to mine dancing the ancient dance of love and how that would be
And yes, when I think about you I think about what you might be thinking about me which I dare not to ask
Jo Sanders
When I think about you I think about the corner of your lips and how they curved and play with me while Im trying to kiss you
When I think about you I indulge myself and let my mind get lost in the scope of possibilities that your touch unfolds for me
I think about your hands running softly thorough my valleys discovering rivers and mountain and gaps and cliffs
I think about the tone of your voice and how your words sometimes are turned into a symphony of colors in my heart
I think about the words you have said and how they scape from my memory like butterflies chased by the light
I think and think about the dreams I do not dare to speak of or even recognized as true to me
I think about you sleeping and I feeling your warmness close to me
and then I think about reality and about your world and about the things you don't say and the things I dont ask
and then the wondering and the questioning that take my innocence away begin to stalk my peace again
and I get sad, and I know thats the price I chose to pay
But then fast enough I think about the taste of your mouth and about the things that daringly I have said and did while you were watching
and I smile and rejoice for being alive and for your presence in my life
Then I get serious and think about the way you contained yourself when thinking twice what you are about to say.
and I understand you are doing your best and Im thankful for having you as my friend too
When I think of you I slowly think about your body next to mine dancing the ancient dance of love and how that would be
And yes, when I think about you I think about what you might be thinking about me which I dare not to ask
Jo Sanders
Monday, January 31, 2011
Small Talk
Do not talk to me about the weather, for to me,
B Illescas
each day brings something new whether it is sunny or cloudy
and the only time I really pay attention to it
is when trees show their true nature and they dress
with passion and promises before dying a little
Do not talk to me about the world events ,
religion, faith, politics or else
for the world at the end is too small for us
yet we barely live enough to say hello to our neighbor
Do not talk to me about your duties and about right or wrong
or about morality or about what should be or not be
for I have learned in life that there is only one truth if any
and that is to be honest to yourself and very seldom we are too
Do not talk to me about the things you would like to do
or how you wish things were
for theres only one moment to grab, one instant to asses
and you are already using it
Talk to me instead of who you are and what you dream to be with me
Talk to me of what you feel and what you really want from me
talk to me about how you know who I am and why Im here
and then I surely stop on my way, stay for a while
and listen with my heart to only you
B Illescas
EITHER OR
Either you have never been here or you have so many times
that you have become a gambler who couldn't care less
if he loses
Either you have forgotten the marsh or the steel on the roads
constrain your wings in such a manner
that you dont remember how does it feel the breeze on your face
Either you like to be the player who gets to first base only
or you have never known the trill of flying
Either you have the secret to eternal life
or the remaining chances to really live dont matter anymore
Either you would rather be he that turns around and dont look back
than he who dances and plays with sunshine
Either you prefer to be hidden among maps that wont get you anywhere
than the explorer who seeks without fear even in the darkness
Either you would rather feel free of guilty whatsoever
than allow yourself some flawless desires
Either you can hold it very tightly
or you are about to collapse and dont know what to do
I would never know…
But what I do know is that
neither I want to keep on making a fool of myself
by waiting for a sign that never comes
nor be broken by the uncaring hand of a caring mind
B Illescas
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