If I may

Now it is I the one listening to the silence of the night

And its breathtaking soft whispers calling

trying to understand what those calls mean now

It seems I know them though I dont know if they are safe

I want to open the door, I want to go out and dance their music

I want myself to feel involved by their soft breeze

I want to reach and learn from the mysterious

From that silence, from that gaps

but there's this fear unknown and strange

that holds me

I stand by the door hesitating

I have turned the bolts off

And Im letting the shadows come into light...

tilting a little over dim dunes

spelled by their quiet promises,

but held by the clarity of that back light

that withholds our pasts

yet wanting so much to dive into that mist

I wonder if the pale moon shadow that I perceive out there

would be enough to guide me through perhaps uneven paths?

"Beware of pride. Recent findings have shown that, besides increasing stupidity, it produces huge fat deposits around the abdominal area, severe heartache and irreversible brain damage"

Anoche tocaron a la puerta

estando yo sola creí que regresabas;

corrí entonces a abrirla, llenándome de risa

me estire el vestido, me acomode el cabello

y no sabiendo que decirte

otra vez te abri mi puerta!

Esperaba encontrarte más viejo y más difícil

esperaba suavizarte con esta mi sonrisa

esperaba que me amaras y me hicieras de nuevo

esperaba tus palabras y también tus caricias

esperaba en fin, que vinieras a llevarme!

No encontré en el umbral a quien tanto he amado

encontré una mano que estirando pedia

encontré una sonrisa que brillando esperaba

encontré unas voces que nada me decian

me encontré con la ausencia de lo que hubo un dia.

Y al cerrar la puerta regrese a mis vacíos

me acomodé despacio, sonreí derrotada

y me senté a esperar sonandote en silencio

Cada noche callada te dejo ante tu puerta

las flores de mi amor y de la esperanza mia

y cada nuevo dia que regreso a encontrarte

vislumbro los restos de lo que yo he dejado

olvidados y mustios en el umbral de tu alma

Tocar la puerta y preguntar por ti ha sido en vano,

estirar mi mano y perderme en tu cuerpo ha sido ingenuo,

pedirte que me ames y que me acompanes ha sido absurdo,

sonar con un encuentro ha sido triste,

y esperar a que vengas ha sido lastimoso

Asi que el dia de hoy mi dignidad recojo,

remiendo sus restos y empapo sus bordes

y sobre los hombros como chal parchado,

sabiendo que habra frio me lo echo acongojada

La amargura me invade y te siento tan lejano

como si nunca nunca hubieses existido

como si nunca nunca nos hubiésemos amado

como si nunca nunca hubiésemos sonado

y lamento lo perdido pero aun mas lo vivido

y como anciana doblada por el peso de un vacio

encorvada y vencida sin darte mas las gracias

me volteo y me alejo en busca del olvido!

B illescas

seis de mayo

"El beso mas difícil no es el primero,
sino el último"

2 anos despues
En la noche oscura lanza su llamado y el responde callado seguro de su amor.
Llega y la envuelve y quitandole todo la contempla adorándola; la besa completa, la dobla, la ama, la odia, la eleva y doblega; la lleva cerca, la recorre toda, la llora, la rie, la cansa, la duerme, la llena de el; la recorre de nuevo.
No dice mas nada, porque "no es necesario".
Y al llegar con la luz la realidad eterna, inquieto la abandona pues no es mas ya esa noche.
Y ella en silencio emprende su camino, se aleja errante y comprende lo perdido, vislumbra su sentido, realiza su lugar y entiende que ya es tarde...
Y esa otra pasion que el muy bien ya conoce, inunda, lastima, sofoca, enardece y en un último intento por alcanzar su alma, con un grito callado, le suplica su beso.

diez de mayo

Hubo, como siempre ha habido, muchos intentos previos; unos jóvenes y otros vacíos. Ella sin duda no sabia diferenciar entre unos y otros porque uno sabe hasta que lo encuentra y tiene entonces como comparar aun aquello que no ha de tener nunca comparación alguna.

Porque puede uno encontrar por primera vez en el mar un trocito de madreperla y creer que tiene un pedazo de cielo entre leas manos hasta que se encuentra un diamante y ve que hay estrellas también en la tierra.
Porque puede uno sentir la brisa de la tarde pero comprender la frescura hasta que la brisa del mar alborota tu pelo.
Porque puede uno conocer la fatiga y descansar tranquilo cuando la noche se acerca, pero jamás como se duerme en una tarde de sábado entre los brazos y el respirar profundo de aquel que te bien ama.
Porque puede uno caminar por el sendero hasta que se aprende a ir danzando con la música, - porque se puede existir aunque no se viva, pero no se puede existir toda vez que se ha vivido….-

Asi que llego el día en que habría de saberlo. Quizás le habría llevado media vida, pero el resto que le quedaría, lo llevaría plasmado en sus labios como si fuese una constante y no la variable que paso a ser

Sin esperarlo permitió el instante…y desde ese entonces fue como si todo lo doblado se desdoblase en mil abanicos; todo lo contenido, se desbordase en un sin fin de cascadas; todo lo sonado, se abriese como flor que se abre al verano; todo lo que le hubiese endurecido, se deslizase ajeno como gotas de lluvia que resbalan en las hojas después de la tormenta; como si todo lo que le hubiese oscurecido, se disolviese por luz que se cuela en la rendija de una puerta.

Le tomo por sorpresa pero muy suavemente, y ella, resignada, se rindió entre sus brazos
Y una noche de final de primavera, iniciando el principio del otoño de su vida, sin que esa noche se diese mas nada que ese encuentro, abriendo sus labios, respondió a su beso

B Illescas

Time To Say Goodbye - Sarah Brightman

You never went away

although you wanted to leave

your essence remained here

captured by my love

While my despair drifted you away

and our pride held us aside

you stayed here inside me

you did never depart

You remain in myself

entangled in my dreams,

you remain in the music,

and in the wind on the trees

You remain in the sound of the rain when it falls,

in the whispers of the night, in the things that I share

in the sun rays of afternoons, in the softness of sights

and in the smile that your memory has brought to my life..

You still hold all my soul

you still have all my thoughts

your have never betrayed us

you remained here with me!

B Illescas

Ah! The cleverness of me!
Peter Pan

ALEACION PERFECTA

Tenían todo. El metal precioso, la temperatura adecuada, el deseo de crear, el tiempo para hacerlo y la felicidad que causa la posibilidad...

Se combinó todo con el proposito ferviente de lograrlo. Quizás el catalizador equivocado fue aquello que disparo el resultado.
A la fecha no se sabe qué sirvió como catalizador. Erosiones antiguas de estaciones pasadas? Presiones inadecuadas sobre la temperatura? Desconocimiento del químico preciso y exacto?, calculo erroneo del momento idoneo?, una formula mal combinada? Un idioma ajeno? la cantidad perfecta de fuego y agua para lograr la aleación?
No sabemos... pero a partir de alli, despues del fracaso, el mundo entero quedo en la penumbra...

Nada fue destruido, los elementos claves aun perduran y embargo... lo que prometia ser tanto, se quedó en la memoria de los que aun recuerdan la posibilidad de lo imposible y, que teniendolo todo, no saben que mas pueden hacer...

On Charles -"The Composer" trying to picture my "mysterious" work

"I see an office scene that's sort of a carnival version of the 3/4 size floor in Being John Malkovich.

Ceilings that are only about 6 feet above the floor; which itself has an intoxicated cant of about 22 degrees...Tables and chairs move; sliding slowly, seemingly at random intervals throughout the day. It is almost as if the office was adrift and listing. First to port, then, slowly, agonizingly, righting itself for a moment of feigned balance, and then, seemingly rethinking the whole affair, giving in to the inevitable pull towards starboard. Listening intently, and if one could find a moment of repose amongst amidst the cacophony of the machinery coming from just beyond the next door, it seems possible that one can make out the distant sounds of rushing water; the popping of rivets amidst the crumpling of bulkheads...

There is a centrally located main office, that is undefined in size, yet giving the impression of being possibly several football fields in area....

An endless sense of movement; of beehive-like activity pervades, yet it is diffuse, unfocused, almost as if knowledge had just arrived of the next world, but there are no words for it; nor is it possible to summon an image of it; a sense of running in circles while becoming gradually aware that there is no such thing as geometry....

A low hum, close to 60 cycles, provides an undefined aural glue, a mechanized stickiness, if you will, which somehow performs a function akin to gravity. There is a subliminal sense that if the hum were to stop, even for a moment, the furniture and the occupants of the space would begin to float away from their assigned areas. Pencils and paperclips would be catapulted into lazy trajectories by interrupted thoughts and half-formed words...

In and out of these rooms go an endless stream of runners. Infinite in their variety of size and color. An orange midget does cartwheels down the middle of a room, a path opening in front of him mysteriously amidst the crush of p.c.s, shredding machines, and modular cubicle components. Then, just as mysteriously, closing back up behind him as he moves quickly away, receding into the distance, becoming smaller and smaller, until he is just a pinpoint, one dot among others; indistinguishable.He is followed in the next moment by a woman on stilts, careening from side to side as she dodges paper airplanes and delivers international magazines with one modification, which is that all of the Ps are missing...


Of course, that was one image.


The other that I entertained for a moment and then just as quickly discarded was so:

I see a room full of various people, all wearing 1962 vintage B-52 bomber headsets, a la Dr. Strangelove*, ashtrays overflowing with cigarette butts and lipstick smudged coffee cups crowding the tabletops. Suddenly the door swings open and brandishing a riding crop, you stride to the middle of the room, climb up onto a chair and speaking nearly perfect German with a clipped accent, you bark, " Nur darf ich stream of consciousness-Technik als Schrift verwenden! Verstehst du?"

* * * * * * * * * *




*I read that when Stanley Kubrick filmed Dr. Strangelove, he didn't tell Slim Pickens that it was a comedy. So whenever I watch it, I imagine Slim taking his role seriously....

Dark clouds

Life cannot be taken as a game and we should not act like players. Maybe if we refuse to see life as what it is, then maybe we can choose to take it as the game that will be played again and again and again until the last voice is heard. But why not then better choose to be dancers that follow the music that passion brings and maybe just maybe we will actually live

Or- if we are fools- maybe we should choose to be spectators so after enjoying the show we can get up and leave the place...or maybe, actually we could choose to be the stars of our own stage so while we live we could shine in such a manner that when we leave people will always want to come back to see us.

Perhaps we should never choose to be observers to learn from distance so that when we get another chance, if we get another, we wont be making the mistakes that are so devastating. If we stay there, the truth is that we wont get another chance and what are we doing there then?

Or better perhaps even better if we are cowards, to choose to be asleep in some senses forgetting where life really is and instead choose to live simply to "exist" when awake. Ultimately, while you sleep, life is just passing by, every single unrepeatable second, just passing by

But never a game, and never players

And love... love cannot be a joke nor something that can be diminished or forgotten or dishonored when it enters your house. Love should be cherished like sunset, held like a bird, nourished like an infant, protected like glass, worshiped as the unique thing that takes us closer to God

But when we choose to be players and smilingly mock what love has given us, and foolishly believe that life is just ahead, and love is just another chance, the glimpses of true joy that sparkled our lives, turn into a dark, dense cloud, and the essence of that joy, free for better,flies away to never come back

Beatriz

Que viva Argentina, Espana, La Naranja Mecanica (enojada entre el carro!) y La Squadra Azurri!!!! Julio 3 2010-un dia antes de irse para Guate

Hispanic Chamber Consular Ball June 2010

Summer, Summerina, Sumber , Sumerinina Monina a los 5 meses

CASO

A un cruzado caballero,

garrido y noble garzón,
en el palenque guerrero,
le clavaron un acero
tan cerca del corazón,
que el físico al contemplarle,
tras verle y examinarle, dijo:
«Quedará sin vida
si se pretende sacarle
el venablo de la herida».
Por el dolor congojado,
triste, débil, desangrado,
después que tanto sufrió,
con el acero clavado el caballero murió.
Pues el físico decía que, en dicho caso,
quien una herida tal tenía,
con el venablo moría, sin el venablo también.
¿No comprendes, Asunción,
la historia que te he contado,
la del garrido garzón
con el acero clavado muy cerca del corazón?
Pues el caso es verdadero;
yo soy el herido, ingrata,
y tu amor es el acero:
¡si me lo quitas, me muero;
si me lo dejas, me mata!

Ruben Dario

. ¡PUELLA MEA!

Muchachita mía,
gloria y ufanía
de mi atardecer,
yo sólo tenía
la santa alegría
de mi poesía y de tu querer.

¿Por qué te partiste?
¿Por qué te me fuiste?
Mira que estoy triste,
triste, triste, triste,
con tristeza tal
que mi cara mustia
deja ver mi angustia
como si fuera de cristal.

Muchachita mía,
¡qué sola, qué fría
te fuiste aquel día!
¿En qué estrella estás?
¿En qué espacio vuelas?
¿En qué mar rielas?
¿Cuándo volverás?
—¡Nunca, nunca más!

Marzo de 1912
Amado Nervo

. To place securely; make stable or firm: fixed the tent poles in the ground. See Synonyms at fasten.
b. To secure to another; attach: fixing the notice to the board with tacks.
2.
a. To put into a stable or unalterable form: tried to fix the conversation in her memory.
b. To make (a chemical substance) nonvolatile or solid.
c. Biology To convert (nitrogen) into stable, biologically assimilable compounds.
d. To kill and preserve (a specimen) intact for microscopic study.
e. To prevent discoloration of (a photographic image) by washing or coating with a chemical preservative.
3. To direct steadily: fixed her eyes on the road ahead.
4. To capture or hold: The man with the long beard fixed our attention.
5.
a. To set or place definitely; establish: fixed her residence in a coastal village.
b. To determine with accuracy; ascertain: fixed the date of the ancient artifacts.
c. To agree on; arrange: fix a time to meet.
6. To assign; attribute: fixing the blame.
7.
a. To correct or set right; adjust: fix a misspelling; fix the out-of-date accounts.
b. To restore to proper condition or working order; repair: fix a broken machine.
c. Computer Science To convert (data) from floating-point notation to fixed-point notation.
8. To make ready; prepare: fixed the room for the guests; fix lunch for the kids; fixed himself a milkshake.
9. To spay or castrate (an animal).
10. Informal To take revenge upon; get even with.
11. To influence the outcome or actions of by improper or unlawful means: fix a prizefight; fix a jury.
v.intr.
1. To direct one's efforts or attention; concentrate: We fixed on the immediate goal.
2. To become stable or firm; harden: Fresh plaster will fix in a few hours.
3. Chiefly Southern U.S. To be on the verge of; to be making preparations for. Used in progressive tenses with the infinitive: We were fixing to leave without you.
n.
1.
a. The act of adjusting, correcting, or repairing.
b. Informal Something that repairs or restores; a solution: no easy fix for an intractable problem.
2. The position, as of a ship or aircraft, determined by visual observations with the aid of equipment.
3. A clear determination or understanding: a briefing that gave us a fix on the current situation.
4. An instance of arranging a special consideration, such as an exemption from a requirement, or an improper or illegal outcome, especially by means of bribery.
5. A difficult or embarrassing situation; a predicament. See Synonyms at predicament.
6. Slang An amount or dose of something craved, especially an intravenous injection of a narcotic.Phrasal Verb:
fix up
1. To improve the appearance or condition of; refurbish.
2. To provide; equip.
3. Informal To provide a companion on a date for: fixed me up with an escort at the last minute.Idiom:
fix (someone's) wagon
To get revenge on another.
[Middle English fixen, from fix, fixed in position, from Latin fxus, past participle of fgere, to fasten; see dhgw- in Indo-European roots.]
fixa·ble adj.
Regional Note: Fixing to ranks with y'all as one of the best known markers of Southern dialects, although it occasionally appears in the informal speech and writing of non-Southerners as well. Fixing to means "to be on the verge of or in preparation for (doing a given thing)," but like the modal auxiliaries, it has only a single invariant form and is not fully inflected like other verbs. Its form is always the present participle followed by the infinitive marker to: They were fixing to leave without me. Semantically, fixing to can refer only to events that immediately follow the speaker's point of reference. One cannot say, "We're fix

DEFINITIONS

TO FIX

1. What you find in written:
To place securely; make stable or firm. To secure to another; attach. To put into a stable or unalterable form. To give a permanent or final form. To capture or hold. To set or place definitely. To determine with accuracy. To agree on.To correct or set right. To restore to proper condition or working order.

2.What its "fixed" in my mind after reading it :
Stable, permanent, agreeness, to set right, to restore to its proper condition"

3. What you find in my heart that restores what you need: healing, commitment, respect, and devotion.

4. What it is and always has been in my soul:

If one has tenderness, one can heal almost everything;
if one is made of steel, one can set right that which has been bent;
if one has understanding to agree, one can hold when its needed;
if one has humility, one can restore what has been injured;
if one has strenght, one can determine comittment;
if one has devotion one can build permanence;
if one has love enough... one can fix everything...

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greates of these is love"

Corinthias 13

Who are you?

Should it be fair enough saying

that you are as simply

as one more of the flock ?

a regrettable flaw

my most poignant mistake

an uncertain experience,

a remarkable grief

and the one that has failed me

the worst and the best?

Who are you, who are you?

not the one that had lost me

nor the one that I need

not the one who is waited,

not the smile on my face

Not the one that is there

not the one who supports

Who are you, who are you!?

not the one that holds dear

nor the one who just cares

not the one who complies

or the one that sustains

you are sin, you are poison,

you are treason, you are death...

you are regret, you are sadness

you are void, a letdown

you are hollow, you are selfish

you are dreadful, and poignant

the theft that has stolen

my joy and my peace

You are nothing my darling

but a wrong to forget

B

"If someone is supposing something dreadful might happen

( a tree falling down, a string pulley breaking)

simply suppose that it wont and everyone ends up happier"

Winnie -the- Pooh