WITH FLYING COLORS

“Friend, our closeness lies in this:

 with every step you take, feel me in the firmness underneath”

Rumi

Im going to begin being a lady avoiding the real word, so let’s say I   was “a little bothered”.  And a little would be just as fair as true itself. So, here I was going again to face another test to see if I was worth the love of my baby.  I was pissed off (more colloquially) for a number of reasons, one would be that I wished for my own self a friend who would test my chosen one trying to find out if he was worth my love and devotion; somebody who would be my guard against my own romanticism and guide me so that this time I won’t be making another mistake. Another would be that, since Tom is who he truly is, I have been tested for the last 7 months with different parameters that could go, according to my own set of values, from valid to totally unfair.  Then, I was thinking I was too old, too everything to be having any kind of tests, especially taking into an account that very soon I will have to face some tests that I might fail because it has been long since I studied math and if I wanted to remain close to this man I loved as I never have loved before,the only way to stay in this country would be as a student in one of the universities chosen.  And then,- perhaps  a little more daring- I was thinking that it should be I the one giving tests to  everyone! 

Every time that I was about to know a new person in Tom’s life, I was “warned” somehow about this or that and at that moment I was not in the very right patience- gear mode that I  have found myself in lately. Still, having been smothered so much by this love of ours and still amused for having been blessed this way, I didn’t say anything.  And frankly between the two of us, truth is, I wanted so much to be accepted by all the people that were important for him!- I wanted to be loved, and I wanted to feel sure that I would be able to convey what there was really to be seen.

So up to another dinner… The “new girlfriend” was about to be introduced… tada! I was not nervous at all, I have had  to face so much in my life, personally and professionally, that it is very rare that I lose my composure and steel  calmness these days; that is, being already fifty,  I don’t get that nervous anymore  but I was curious and I was anticipating the joy of learning more about him

The moment this Ranjan came into the room he stole my heart. He simply stole it.  I don’t know why or how.  Could it have been the first phrase he said to me, “what are you doing with these two guys?” or could it have been the little spark of mischievousness that I saw in his eyes? Or the wide smile that he had on him that made me feel as if the room was brighter? Or maybe it happened later when I was able to hear his voice kind of soft, kind of- again- surprisingly naughty telling about some old stories about them.  Or maybe it was when I saw how, between those two, true friendship steamed from one to another as a limpid cascade ran into its river and from the river to the ocean.  I could almost touched the love between the true friends and so my heart was touched by joy for the two of them

For at this stage I know that there are some intangible things that weight much more than what is visible.  Or what is considered valuable in these days, or what gives us comfort or security.  Friendship as love can never be overrated.  I think about the true friends I have and I value them as I value my dreams or my soul or the spirit that lies in me that makes me get up again and again even if sometimes it feels I can’t anymore.

Maybe what caught me  was the moment when he got my eyes and said, “because you can feel things” and I knew that he had recognized what is within as I have recognized  what is there too.

I don’t know. What I do know is that that his Ranjan has passed my test with flying colors- as he gallantly said I have when I kind of teased him about the whole thing-  because whether I had a test or not, whether I would ever pass it  or not,  whether I am wise or not, candid or not, that night I was able to sense that he is one of a kind, my babys true friend: a middle age hedge funder- Indian American man with the sweetest voice and manners, with most sparkling  twinkle in a pair of eyes that speaks about joie de vivre, with the softest  curve in his lips that tells me about kindness, so,  this day where my soul contrives for a future than more than ever seems not that clear or sure, I feel glad they have had each other